Tuesday, May 6, 2014

it is finished

Start a blog when you go to college, she said.

I obviously wasn't too dedicated to that cause, and now here we are. I'm moving back home in 3 days. I'm 2 projects and a short exam away from finishing my Freshman year of college. What?

So much has changed.

I don't even feel like the same person. No, I didn't move away and go crazy. I moved away and started to develop my own life. A life not determined by my parents, classmates since kindergarten or stereotypes associated with my religious affiliation. I had to start over and think for myself. I went in a member of the tea party, I left...not a member of the tea party. For me, college was stepping out of the box.

As many of you know, I'm a nerd. I always have been and I probably always will be. I feel like I'm probably the only nerd you know who was determined to not go to college. For the longest time I told everyone that I wasn't going. Why? Because of fear. I have a history of staying within my comfort zone, so the very thought of moving away, living with people I didn't know and starting over was pretty daunting. I guess that is pretty intimidating, but seriously? Bust your butt for straight A's and then forgo college? Proof that you can be smart, but still pretty stupid.

My college journey was quite interesting from the very beginning. I chose a school that I knew in my heart was right for me and I got a whole lot of crap for it. Most of the people who's opinions I trusted the most seemed unimpressed with my decision and that sucked. I was 100 percent sure that I made the right decision (still am, by the way) but that didn't make it any easier.
Lesson #1: God is going to force you to make decisions that not everyone will agree with, but it's important to remain faithful and obedient anyway.

My favorite part of this whole experience has, no doubt, been meeting new people. I've been blessed with some of the most amazing friends. They encourage, challenge and inspire me. And they laugh at my jokes. I show up at their doors with my snuggie in hand and a heart full of worries and they always pull me through. They've helped to restore my taste in music, develop a passion for futbol, gain a weird appreciation for Cessna's and given me the desire to be better. I'd be so lost without them.
Lesson #2: Surrounding yourself with the right people can and will change your life for the better.

College is weird. It makes you both sure and completely uncertain. I went in thinking that maybe I had an idea of what I wanted to study. As time went on, I felt more and more comfortable with my decision to pursue a degree in Journalism. Then I wanted to double major with Global Studies. Sike, Psychology. Just kidding I'm graduating in 3 years and starting to grad school. Wait, I really want to double major with Global Studies. And that is where I currently stand. For now. I think. Actually, I feel pretty sure about this one. I wrestled with it all semester, but finally decided to just go for it. I don't know for sure what I want to do. Traveling would be nice. Writing for a missions organization would be cool. I'd love to work for a Christian humanitarian organization. Maybe write a book?
Lesson #3: You can change your mind a lot, but you need to act when it comes to the things that you're passionate about. Live and learn. Don't hesitate and regret.

I obviously learned much more during my first year of college, but these are just some things that really hit me.



Friday, May 2, 2014

flashback: numero uno.

(originally posted  on 7/27/13)

My first blog post. What to say, what to say. I actually have a lot going through my mind, but I don't really know where to begin. It's kind of a crazy time for me right now. In less than 3 weeks, I'm moving out of state to start my freshman year of college. My life is about to drastically change, basically forever, so there's that. I'm excited. Incredibly excited. Sometimes I feel guilty for my excitement, though. I fear missing what's going on right in front of me. 

But, if I'm really honest, there's not a whole lot going on. Ya see, everyone can't wait to turn 18, graduate, and grow up/move on. It sounds great, right? But what no one tells you is, it's actually quite overwhelming. In every possible way. Good. And bad. I'm technically an adult who can make all of my own decisions now. That is extremely terrifying, yet pretty cool at the same time. I mean, I leave for college in less than 20 days. When did this happen? Where did the time go? I don't really know how to feel. Of course, I'm extremely excited. I love my school, I love my roommates, and I love my meal plan, but it's all happening

There's no real going back now. Not on my college plans or any of that, but on life in general. I can't do anything but grow now, and when I really, truly think about what that means, I can admit that I'm really scared. I will get older. My responsibilities will continue to grow. I'll definitely have to learn to live beyond my feelings, because everyday can't be a Friday. Everyday won't feel like a Friday, and now I just have to deal with it. Kudos to you if you're catching the reference. Some days are going to suck. They're going to be really hard. Knowing me, I'll want to just shut down. It's just that from now on, I can't just go complain to my parents when I have a bad day, then go hide in my room. Well, I guess I could, but it won't help me. I'm a big girl now and I'll have to deal with my emotions, conquer my bad days, and learn to be independent. This is my life. I have free reign to do whatever I want. I can achieve goals I've only ever dreamed about. I can travel the world. I can stay stuck. I can fail. 

Kind of scatter-brained and all over the place, huh? But, that's where I am right now. All over the place. The stress hits me in waves. The excitement is pretty much never ending. The fear is unavoidable. Well. That pretty much explains it all right now. I'll leave you with this:
 “The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 
― C. JoyBell C. (via GoodReads)