Friday, May 2, 2014

flashback: numero uno.

(originally posted  on 7/27/13)

My first blog post. What to say, what to say. I actually have a lot going through my mind, but I don't really know where to begin. It's kind of a crazy time for me right now. In less than 3 weeks, I'm moving out of state to start my freshman year of college. My life is about to drastically change, basically forever, so there's that. I'm excited. Incredibly excited. Sometimes I feel guilty for my excitement, though. I fear missing what's going on right in front of me. 

But, if I'm really honest, there's not a whole lot going on. Ya see, everyone can't wait to turn 18, graduate, and grow up/move on. It sounds great, right? But what no one tells you is, it's actually quite overwhelming. In every possible way. Good. And bad. I'm technically an adult who can make all of my own decisions now. That is extremely terrifying, yet pretty cool at the same time. I mean, I leave for college in less than 20 days. When did this happen? Where did the time go? I don't really know how to feel. Of course, I'm extremely excited. I love my school, I love my roommates, and I love my meal plan, but it's all happening

There's no real going back now. Not on my college plans or any of that, but on life in general. I can't do anything but grow now, and when I really, truly think about what that means, I can admit that I'm really scared. I will get older. My responsibilities will continue to grow. I'll definitely have to learn to live beyond my feelings, because everyday can't be a Friday. Everyday won't feel like a Friday, and now I just have to deal with it. Kudos to you if you're catching the reference. Some days are going to suck. They're going to be really hard. Knowing me, I'll want to just shut down. It's just that from now on, I can't just go complain to my parents when I have a bad day, then go hide in my room. Well, I guess I could, but it won't help me. I'm a big girl now and I'll have to deal with my emotions, conquer my bad days, and learn to be independent. This is my life. I have free reign to do whatever I want. I can achieve goals I've only ever dreamed about. I can travel the world. I can stay stuck. I can fail. 

Kind of scatter-brained and all over the place, huh? But, that's where I am right now. All over the place. The stress hits me in waves. The excitement is pretty much never ending. The fear is unavoidable. Well. That pretty much explains it all right now. I'll leave you with this:
 “The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” 
― C. JoyBell C. (via GoodReads)

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